Holiday Party Planning ???

Who, me? I don't think so. Twelve beady eyes are glaring down at me. They belong to six tired, hungry women, all posing like Angry Mom statues. Except they're not posing. Arms crossed, head tilted down, tightened mouths and those glaring eyes. They're not taking “no” for an answer. They're not taking any answer, I have no choice. I'm hosting our children's Holiday Party this November. I've managed to avoid it the last six years and I thought by pretending to be asleep through the Pre-K parents meeting I could slip out, dodging any kind of real responsibility except for making my famous ice cream punch (famous for its “punch”), which I make every year with or without a party. The parents love it – except for one POS, Poor Old Sap elected to make sure no child or adult drowns in glitter or cake. They all knock the happy juice back, wolfing down reindeer cake and making fun of their cherished spawn who are ten feet away creating beautiful works of holiday-inspired art that could rival any Jackson Pollock painting. I shouldn't complain too much. The kids love it – they get to play with shiny stuff and impress us with decorative creations so we can ooh and ahh in amazement. And the parents get to drink and eat cake and we all listen to a mixed CD of holiday songs from every culture so nobody feels excluded. Sounds like fun right? The problem is the host provides everything except the food. Ok, so I don't have to slave over an oven or a mixing bowl or some godforsaken piping instrument. But what do I distract our little critters from running around my house, leaving dinner splattered on my walls and inevitably upchucking on my carpets? Ah, if only Jim Henson's beloved muppets were still around...